The Start of Something Weird

Modern loving and living, explored by following the advice of a 1958 list, "129 Ways to Get a Husband."

A few years back, I stumbled upon “129 Ways to Get a Husband,” a 1958 listicle from the iconic-but-now-defunct women’s magazine McCall’s. Published over 60 years ago, the piece is so ridiculous that it could just have easily been a gag in a Buzzfeed article or on a TikToker’s notes app today. I’m not the only one who delighted in this chaotic and dated foray into matchmaking. After being rediscovered in 2018, the piece blew up online. Articles were written, jokes were cracked, it even had a viral moment on Twitter (RIP). 

The introduction from the article, as published in 1958.

Tips range from joining a hiking club to “not whining” to stowing away on a battleship. It’s not perfect - reflective of its time, some ideas are so steeped in sexism and stereotype that I’m embarrassed to even read them. Parts are deeply derivative and some sections are straight up silly. Clearly the authors spared no suggestion when writing their opus. 

When first published, did college girls in dorms and city ladies in boarding houses giggle over the unsavory ideas and dare each other to try one out? Or did the article come and go, printed and passed, relegated to a bookshelf in a bathroom? No matter how it was received back then, presently my interest is piqued. Why, you ask?

I am single, sick of it, and eager to try something radical to break out of this box.

Reader, prepare yourself, because I’m about to go Julie & Julia on your ass. 

That’s right: I’m going to work my way through “129 Ways to Get a Husband” in the hopes of doing just that. And if I’m not married by the end of this? I will sue.

I’m kidding. Plus, I can’t afford a lawyer. 

It may be useful to share where and when inspiration struck. It was 12:34am on a Tuesday and I was sprawled out on a rock-solid mattress in the spare room of my old roommate and her partner’s new apartment, thinking about how alone I was. Or actually, I was thinking about how uncomfortable the bed was and wishing I wasn’t sleeping in it by myself. That got me lamenting my loneliness which got me wondering why everyone can find a partner but what if I never do?

Then I remembered it’s about the right person, not just a person, and it takes time if you want to find yours. It takes time and it takes work. 

Work, indeed. Look, I’ve tried the tricks. Dating apps. Standing in a bookstore looking interesting reading Proust. More dating apps. Improv. Dating apps, again. Wandering Wall Street shouting “What’s a stock?” An embarrassment of dating apps. Asking friends. Asking Jeeves! Therapy. Rock climbing. Angelika East. Whole Foods. None of it gets me what – or rather, who – I want. 

I’ll be the first to admit I make things harder for myself. I know what I need to a fault, and if someone doesn’t fit the bill or earn my trust, they’re out. Is this great? Absolutely not! I’M WORKING ON IT! 

A wise woman (my mother) has suggested time and time again that I expand my horizons. Open myself up to folks I’d previously written off. With a sigh, I must admit that she’s not entirely wrong. What’s that phrase about the definition of insanity? Oh, right. “If you do the same thing over and over and never yield a new result, perhaps you need to adopt a different approach.” 

So here we are: at that different approach. The idea came to me on that fateful Tuesday night. I was scrambling for a way to avoid yet another heinous Hinge date but also to not die alone when I remembered… the list. It hit me like a ton of bricks (ironically, probably more comfortable than the mattress I was sleeping on). 

What if I stop waiting and just live instead? What if I get off my phone, put myself out in the world – really out in the world, like stand on a busy street corner with a lasso (#121) out in the world – and simply see what happens? 

Some of the wilder ideas. Oh, the way I cannot wait to get to items 115 - 122…

This project is about something far greater than “Getting a Husband.” To stick to that singular goal would be to stay stuck in the past. No, this is about taking a leap of faith and following wherever it may lead: to some dates, a few new friendships, an unexpected hobby, possibly even a great love. At the bare minimum, it is an opportunity to push myself and have some fun. 

To those reading — single, taken, or somewhere in between — I hope you feel a sense of kinship here. Because this list is my list, this list is your list, this list is our list, and we are in for one weird adventure. 

I’ll try to follow the tasks chronologically, but will skip over ideas that need planning, excess funds, or are unattainable at the moment. Do not fear - I will return to them. For the line items that should be shamed or don’t hold up in our hip and cool modern society I will either strike through them or write a response arguing against the idea. 

Barring any unprecedented circumstances or life events, I will publish an entry every Friday. Some posts will only include one list item, others may include multiple. I don’t know. I haven’t gotten that far yet!

But enough with this intro nonsense. Let’s get to the fun part, shall we? 

Starting from the top in three, two… 

1. Get a dog and walk it. 

See you on Friday. xo