New Year's Eve 2023: I’m sitting under a dining room table, shoveling grapes into my mouth and shaking with fever. A particularly nasty case of covid meant I would be spending the holidays alone, sick and in bed. The least I could do, I decided, was to shore up my luck for the new year by cashing in on the Spanish tradition of eating twelve grapes at midnight on New Year’s Eve.
Believed to welcome good fortune and prosperity, “Las doce uvas de la suerte,” should be consumed in quick succession, one grape for each toll on the clock as it changes to a new year.
I first heard of this when I worked on Amazon’s With Love, a holiday rom-com with an entire episode dedicated to New Year's Eve. We filmed that episode during a hot, sticky week in July 2021 on a soundstage deep in the San Gabriel Valley. The set was festive, and the shoot was fun.
A year and a half and a lifetime later, grapes were back on my mind. The tradition had blown up on TikTok with a slightly narrower lens: eat twelve grapes at New Year's to find love. I’m unsure where the “must sit under the table” part of this came in or originated. In hindsight, it may have been deeply unnecessary, but in the moment… desperate times.
I was not taking any chances. I ate the grapes.
January 2024, good luck grapes on my side, I said I would give it a year. The operative word here is it, which means my career and relationship status. I’d write with abandon, try everything, date everyone, lean in, and trust the process. I set lofty goals: get a book deal, finish the list (all 129 items), and find my person. I vowed to hustle, work, push, and fight. After that, I would take a break and go to the beach with my special someone. After that, I would be done.
Well, it’s been a year. No book deal, no husband, no finished list.
Were the grapes a $25 waste? (The cost of Doordash grapes on NYE). Maybe.
Was the year a failure? Not even close.
New Year's Eve 2023, I was sitting so far underneath the table I couldn’t see anything beyond the floor. That’s what those three goals were: the floor. In hindsight, what had seemed like such big ideas were very, very small. A book, a boyfriend, and a behind-the-times list? That was the best I thought I could do?
Midnight grapes are said to bring luck, prosperity, and love. Oh my god, did they ever work.
129: A Year in Review
Looking back, my mind is blown by the people I’ve met, places I’ve gone, and pieces I’ve written — all because of this silly little project.
It was a year of learning: to clean and scale a fish (#11), the ideal golf swing (#7), the history and controversy surrounding Matisse’s famed Serf sculpture (#3). Of lessons in vulnerability, defeat, the work it takes to get the life you want, and the strength to ask for what you deserve.
It was a year of emails…oh, the emails. Coinciding with my efforts to be more open and honest with romantic partners came a shocking amount of relationship situationship penpalships. I’m not saying there were 30, but there were more than two, which seems like a high number of people to share Austenian-level correspondence with. Some stories are not for the Substack, but one certainly was: Seeking Co-Owner of a Boat (#14) and Seeking Co-Owner of a Boat, Part 2 (#15).
What started as an innocent flyer advertising for a co-owner of a vessel spiraled into a real-life You’ve Got Mail with a British Boat Enquirer passing through town. What I thought would be a fun anecdote spiraled into a story spanning months: endless emails, one cautious coffee date —
My mind was racing with a thousand thoughts in anticipation of the morning. What if his voice is weird? What if this is all a big prank? What if this is a trap? What if he’s creepy, what if he smells, what if he doesn’t have any teeth?! Fears put aside, I walked in and found myself face to face with… just a guy. Boat Enquirer.
The Boat Enquirer saga came to a fizzling finale one night in Brooklyn early this fall. The whole encounter felt like something out of a movie: epic, extraordinary, rare.
There were the hours on Zoom with Dorothy, a widow who’d lost her husband, Sy, in early 2022. I spoke with Dorothy for #6. “Read the Obituaries to Find Eligible Widowers.” Still, instead of doing the worst thing possible and actually following the prompt, I used it as an opportunity to tell a great love story. Dorothy and Sy were married for 60 years, together until the end.
“Not having him here with me is devastating. I should be grateful for everything that we had. But…” She was unable to hold it in. “I’ve been heartbroken. It feels strange to have life without him. My whole world has changed.” Dorothy took a moment. “There’s nobody else that thought of me the way he did. He thought I was the sweetest, most loving person in the world. There’s nobody else.”
Dorothy and Sy met on a Coney Island beach in the 1950s.
In 2024, folks are matching in slightly different manners. People like Sydney Watt and Zoe Black, whom I met after attending and interviewing them about their singles mixer, “Friend of a Friend.” Gathering 60 singles for a get-to-know-you in a Brooklyn backyard, the event was perfect for #18. “Tell Your Friends You’re Interested in Getting Married.” It presented an alternative to apps, something young folks seem increasingly dependent on.
SYDNEY: The apps made it so convenient to have your dating life and your social life separate until you’re basically in a relationship with someone. I've certainly met friends’ partners only after they've made it official. And that shift in culture over the last ten years or so since apps really got destigmatized has led to people being a lot antsier about introducing people we know… It's been outsourced almost entirely to technology.
I spoke with the men of Minneapolis, who I accidentally catfished when I wrote #5.“Look in the Census Report for Places with the Most Single Men.” It was through Hinge conversations about the necessity of dating apps that I came to a horrific conclusion:
As these platforms become increasingly tiered and data-based and more and more barriers to entry are introduced, I worry that modern romance has been commodified and effectively killed by capitalism. Swiping for someone now feels like playing Candy Crush: addicting, never-ending, and expensive.
But there’s also a massive rejection of this idea that seems to be gaining traction. People want to be with people. That’s what I learned this year. They want to be in the world, spending time together, rolling the dice. Strangers are often willing and eager to chat if you just extend a hand. Romantically and platonically, humans crave companionship. It’s that simple.
2024 was a year of community.
Driving a convertible through upstate New York (#21) with my good friend, the endlessly funny Ritam Mehta.
Discussing the loneliness epidemic (#16) with my college pal (and New York Times best-selling author!) Kyle Prue.
Turning Brooklyn upside down via #10. Hat Box Night (and then again in #25, the sequel) featuring a massive cast of recurring and new characters.
It was also an exhausting year. From the excitement of diving in and launching the project to the occasional feeling that maybe the effort was fruitless. It can be easy to look at metrics as meters for success — subscribers, likes, audience (and literal) engagement. But it’s not that cut and dry. What looks great on the outside might be hollow on the inside. Bots can inflate follower counts; a smiling photo on Instagram does not necessarily equate happiness.
All it takes is one gesture or a kind note to make a person feel seen. Time and time again, when I wanted to give up, there was a push to keep going — from you, dear reader.
In response to“Read the Obituaries.” I have no idea how I reached your podcast- maybe it was a new girlfriend who I met at that drawing class in LES, or was it Liz, my beautiful and skilled aesthetician? Either way, as a single woman living in Manhattan in her VERY early 30s, I love your content and find it relatable. These bite-size episodes make my day.
In response to “Have Your Car Break Down.” I applaud the conclusion: it’s not about reaching a specific destination (marriage, etc.); it’s the journey. My journey continues…
It was a year of good people. I am endlessly grateful to everyone who took a chance on this project in some way or another. To my Mom, who tirelessly edits every Substack. To my Dad, who reminds me to soldier on when things are hard. To my new creative partners helping to take this project in an exciting and unexpected direction (stay tuned!). To the first few paid Subscribers! To my wing people who show up for every activity.
It was a year of enlightenment, encapsulated nicely in this conversation with Good Hang’s Randa Sakallah and Harry Krinsky. We started by chatting about (#9) feeding pigeons in the park and ended with meditations on life and dating.
RANDA: If there's anything I've learned, it's that there aren't really any rules. You just have to, like, riff and try stuff and see what happens and fuck around and find out.
HARRY: And what you are actually doing when you are trying to make your dating life better and reading dating advice or whatever is you're trying to figure out how to have the most fulfilling and fun experience before you meet the person. Because the person, however you meet them, it's going to be random.
There aren’t any rules, and we should try to figure out how to have the most fulfilling and fun experience before you meet your person.
It was a defining year, full of meaning and magic. Pushed out of my comfort zone and confident in the chaos, I became someone I didn’t know was possible.
It is cathartic to look back at our years in review in terms of what we learned and loved as opposed to simply what was accomplished. A goal is just a line item on a list to check off — and if this project has taught me anything, it’s that the list item is simply a suggestion and a starting point.
New Year's Eve 2024: I’ll be eating grapes again, this time (hopefully) covid-free, standing up, and not alone. I’ll set new goals. I’ll dream new dreams.
I have no idea what next year has in store, but I am sure I’ll be continuing 129. We’re only 25 items in, so… much to do. Already lined up for January: a professional poker player who has promised to teach me to play my cards right, a war tanker in Red Hook ripe for a stowaway, and a street corner and lasso with my name on it.
The Modern 129, this Substack’s paid tier, will continue to come out monthly, featuring ideas for how to get a life now in 2025. I stand by this element and hope it helps others break out of their funk. If they’re in one. And if not, it’s just researched and curated tips for a good time.
This year, I was accused of real-life Sex and the City and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Next year, I want to get hit with some other iconic characters. Godzilla, perhaps. Could be weird.
It’ll all be weird. Because that’s what this is. That’s what life is. Weird, wonderful, and worth it.
Happy holidays!! xx
Share this post